I was stuck on this last sentence for an email communication. It was the last email draft I had crafted for a campaign. I set up the logistics, trained the team, wrote and designed the emails. I just needed the copy checked, and specifically I needed a second pair of eyes to tell me what was awry with this one sentence.
I knew the wording on the last email in one sentence wasn’t right. To me it made sense, but it sounded as if it didn’t fit, and I needed to figure out why. I couldn’t properly express what my inkling was, but as my bosslady once said “everyone needs an editor.”
I figured she would help solve my puzzle. The word was ocean.
I chose to use it as my descriptor because I was trying to portray our many helpful products that that will solve a potential problem. By using ocean I thought that would illustrate the vast resources and support we offer. I read the word “ocean” in a positive light because we have so much to choose from, so many bespoke products and content. However, I just thought there was something off about it even though I still liked how the message read. I went to bosslady for feedback and she pointed it out without me even telling her my qualm with it.
She had mentioned how the word may give people the wrong idea. She didn’t want people to feel drowned. She explained that the recipients of this email could get the wrong impression. Meaning, we offer so much one could get lost and not understand how to sift through our offerings. And since it so difficult to grab people’s attention in an email, the likelihood of them reaching out to for help or figuring it out on their own was unlikely.
I saw the her point and that made me feel easier and happier that I was able to pinpoint my hesitation. I still see the word as a positive, but I have an affinity for the water and the ocean as an entity with endless possibilities. Ask for feedback. It is important and gives you another perspective.